Copy Cat
by TigreMalabarista
Summary: A cruise turns into an adventure on the high seas for Ralph and Pam when one finds out they have a doppleganger - who people want to see dead.


A cruise turns into an adventure on the high seas for Ralph and Pam when one finds out they have a doppleganger - who people want to see dead. This was originally a challenge on a message board for The Greatest American Hero.

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"Honey, are you sure you want me to stay here," asked Ralph quietly. "I mean, I..."

Pam winced as she heard Ralph again throw up. She was at his side rubbing his back to soothe his aches. The couple had saved up for a nice three-day cruise, but so far Ralph had a bad case of seasickness. To make things worse, Bill had decided to join in the festivities and got a room for himself but two decks down.

After Ralph finished, Pam handed him a damp cloth to clean up. "Ralph, you've been doing this for the past half hour, and we just started the cruise," she said softly looking at the clock. They left at 4 p.m. and already Ralph had lost all his meals.

"I'll be fine shortly," he said, resting his head tiredly against the wall.

"Uh huh... at the rate you're going, you'll probably end up in sickbay the whole trip, and I don't think you want that," said Pam, and Ralph gave a wry smile, shaking his head. Pam continued. "Listen, why don't you take a nap for a little bit and I'll go swimming? You'll feel better."

Ralph smiled softly, realizing Pam was right. He was exhausted and figured if he didn't get his rest now, he'd get it later at night. "OK, you win. I'll try to down some more 7Up before I nap."

Pam nodded and helped her husband out of the bathroom. Ralph laid down on the bed and stretched out, covering his eyes with his arm while Pam grabbed a soda out of the refrigerator. She turned around when she heard a soft sigh and realized that Ralph had apparently fallen asleep. Smiling softly, Pam covered him with a blanket before she started to change. As she stripped down to her purple underwear, Pam heard a soft chuckle

"That was a dirty trick Ralph," said Pam as she saw Ralph peeking from under his arm. She continued to change. "You need your sleep."

"Hey, I'm married. Cant I see my wife in all her beauty?" he said as he removed his arm from his eyes.

"Yes, but you need to get some sleep if you want to enjoy _all_ my beauty later on tonight," she said with a wink as she put on a sarong around her waist. Ralph only chuckled softly as he closed his eyes, and this time, was fast asleep.

Pam smiled as she covered Ralph with the blanket again and headed out the door. As she was walking, she bumped into Bill, who had been heading toward the cabin. "Bill what a pleasant surprise," she said barely diplomatic. She already hadn't been keen on him coming, but Bill insisted it was for a vacation of his own. Now, however, Pam realized he hadn't told them the truth.

"Thanks Counselor. Is Ralph around?" he said somewhat urgently.

So much for a vacation again. "Ralph's in the cabin. ..."

"Good..."

"But he's asleep. He's got _mal de mer."_

"Geesh, sounds like the crud."

"Just about, he's seasick and needs sleep," said Pam, glaring at Bill. "I dont want him going on a scenario and it cost us this trip."

"C'mon he can just get a holograph off this rope," said Bill. "Apparently, someone tried use it to bury someone at sea a coupla days ago - alive."

"On a cruise ship?" she said, surprised.

"Yeah, some guy who's been spying on the ship for an international diamond-stealing ring. He survived 'cause a couple was walking and they called for ship security. Interpol's involved but since this guys been working with us too, given the diamonds belong to us, I took the case."

"What about the man?"

"He is still on the ship. They gave me a rough idea of the guys description, and now I just gotta get Ralph to vibe off this stuff."

Pam sighed, knowing Ralph was definitely in no condition to get a holograph off anything that might show the ocean. "Bill I think we'd better let Ralph get accustomed to the sea before we try holographing," she said. "I just spent the last half hour soothing him after he threw up several times."

Bill made a face. "Geesh, Counselor do ya haveta paint me a picture?"

"Yes, actually. Now, why don't we go walking around the ship and just look for anything peculiar then when Ralph feels better, we can use the suit."

"Yeah good thinking Counselor," said Bill as they headed down the corridor. Neither knew that someone was watching where they left. They were going to kill the man earlier, but their plans were thwarted when Ralph became seasick and Pam had to help him to the cabin. They had waited and now that she and the older man were gone, they could strike.

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About five minutes after Pam and Bill turned the corner, three men walked over to the cabin Ralph and Pam were roomed. Knocking on the door, they heard a groan come from within and the door opened. "Pam, did you..." said Ralph groggily as he had a hand clamp over his mouth.

Ralph tried to struggle, but it was no use as he wasn't wearing the suit and the men secured him. After tying Ralph up and gagging him, they put him in a laundry bag, tying it where just his feet stuck out.

One person picked up Ralph in a firemans carry, causing him to groan as his stomach was still a little upset. Ralph kept struggling only to feel the muzzle of a gun near the base of his neck. "Don't try that again Jakob, or next time Ill pull the trigger," said a man in a harsh voice before tapping Ralph hard with the handle.

Ralph, who moved just slightly to hopefully avoid getting hit in the head, felt the gun hit his shoulder blade instead. Though he wasn't seriously harmed, he let his body go limp, pretending he was knocked unconscious. The ruse apparently worked as the men continued talking. "That was unnecessary," said one of the men in a heavy Irish brogue.

"Payback for the lump he gave me a couple of weeks ago trying to escape his fate," said the second man. "Besides, he can't stop us from getting those diamonds off this ship."

"When is the theft?"

"Tonight at six. Everyone will be at dinner and the shop will be closed. We can sneak in and steal the diamonds from the case. Then while they search for the jewels, we can load them up on the ship and head toward the island."

Ralph gave an involuntary groan as his stomach again did flip-flops. "Hey Paul, I think he's comin' around," said the man carrying him in a heavy brogue too.

"Nah, Harold he's still out," said Paul when he heard no further response from the bag. "But, it won't matter soon."

The men chuckled, and Ralph had to think through the situation. Tied up, gagged, not wearing the suit Ralph was in trouble unless there was a miracle.

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Bill and Pam were at the swimming pool area, Pam to relax and take it easy, Bill scoping out possible suspects.

Pam looked at Bill and frowned. "You know, for an FBI agent, you're very conspicuous here," she said.

"Why?"

"You're not relaxing," said Pam with a smile.

"I know, but something's not right here," said Bill, frowning. "Don't kno- Hey Ralph!"

Confused, Pam glanced up and sure enough, there was Ralph walking down the corridor. He looked a bit busy, but at least not seasick.

Bill stood up and walked over to the man, patting him on the back. "Well, I see that the fresh salt air and the nap did ya good," he said, smiling. "I need your help..."

The man shook his head, confused. "I'm sorry, I think you have me mistaken for someone," said the blonde-haired man with a soft Irish brogue.

"Counselor, is this some sort of joke?" said Bill accusingly.

"No. Ralph are you sure you're all right?" she said. "You were pretty sick in the cabin."

"I'm sorry my dear, I dont know who - " said Ralph as he then suddenly looked around. "Please, follow me."

Bill rolled his eyes and the two followed the man into a hallway. Once inside, Bill glared at the man. "All right, what's going on Ralph?"

"I'm sorry, my name's not Ralph. It's Jakob Katte-Rigel," said the man.

Pam took a closer look at the man, and noticed something. "Your eyes ... they're green," she said softly.

Bill took a look and realized she was right. "Yeah, other than that, ya look just like our friend Ralph."

"Oh no," he said softly.

"What?" said the other two.

"Your friend is in danger," he said. "Where were you staying?"

"On the Lido deck, why?" said Pam.

"Damn, if they followed 'me' ... We must get help now."

Before Bill or Pam could respond, the man ran off. "Counselor, you go get help."

"I'm coming with you. If Ralph's been kidnapped and they find out its not Jakob..."

"I get the picture," said Bill as they ran off.

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Jakob turned the corner and found the men who had been following him the past few weeks carrying a bag to a waiting lifeboat.

Unbeknownst to Jakob, however, Bill found the same scenario. "All right, freeze it - Maxwell, FBI" he shouted, drawing he weapon. "Put the bag down and your hands up."

The man carrying the bag started to turn drop his load to the ship, but when she saw the bag seem to move on its own, Pam slid a shuffleboards disk on the ground. The man stepped on it and fell, dropping his load in a heap on the ground. The group fled in separate directions.

Bill gave chase to the men for a time, but lost them in the crowded area. He turned and saw Pam and Jakob were trying to untie the knot, with little success. "Counselor, that was a dumb move," said Bill, frowning.

"Dumb move, huh? Bill, can't you see this bag's moving?"

Bill did a double take and realized that there was shoes sticking out of the bag, moving about. "You're right. Here, let me get my pocketknife," said Bill.

Cutting the ropes, Bill and Pam found Ralph inside, tied up and gagged, but otherwise unhurt. "Kid, you OK?" said Bill as he loosened Ralph's gag and freed him from the ropes.

"Yeah fine, but what the hell was that all about?" he said, looking toward the sea and choking slightly. "Uh ..."

"Oh no come on, honey," said Pam as she led him to a trash can. After emptying his stomach, Ralph let Pam lead him to the bench to sit down. Ralph looked up and his eyes widened when he saw Jakob. "What the..."

"That's what I want to know. Who are you?" said Pam simply.

"I'll try to explain," but we need to go to a quiet location.

"I know just the place," said Bill with a smile as he helped Ralph up to head to their next location.

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"Uh, Bill you sure this is where we need to be?" said Ralph quizzically as he sat in the sickbay in his boxers. "I feel fine."

"I know Kid, but we needed to make sure you're OK before ya try to do another impression of a Slinky goin' down the stairs 'cause you're sick," said Bill as the doctor finished his examination.

As the doctor went to treat another patient with a bad sunburn, Bill closed the door. He opened a second door to let Pam and Jakob in. "So, what's the scenario here," said Bill as Jakob walked in.

"Let me guess, you're the guy those diamond thieves want and got me instead," said Ralph instead as he put his shirt on.

Bill gave Ralph a questioning look, but Jakob nodded. "He's right. They tried to drown me a couple of days ago. I survived, but only thing is, I don't know when they'll be striking again."

"6 p.m." said Ralph and Jakob gave him a questioning look. "They were talking about it, thinking I had been knocked out. But why a ship? Surely there are more valuable diamonds around."

"It's not just the diamonds. The largest flawless ruby is aboard this ship is why," said Jakob simply.

"The Crimson Rose. I've read about it," said Pam. "It's on this ship as part of its anniversary tour. Because it's flawless, it's worth more than a flawless diamond."

"You're right, but no one really knows about that fact aboard the ship, so it's in a pretty accessible place - the gift shop. And now, I just have to find a way to stop the men."

Bill cleared his throat. "Well, first thing we need to know is how they could access the room," he said.

Jakob gave an explanation about the ventilation chambers, and the other three frowned. It would be an easy access point, as it didn't have any alarms around the vent covers.

Hearing the doctor return, Pam and Jakob left to head back to the cabin and Ralph finished changing. "Mr. Hinkley, you seem to be all right, so I'm going to release you," said the doctor as he handed Ralph a box. "Here's some anti-nausea pills to take to fight your seasickness. They won't cause any drowsiness, but you'll need to take them about an hour before you go near the ocean."

"Thank you doctor," said Ralph, taking one as he and Bill headed out. Once they were outside, Bill turned to Ralph. "So, do ya think ya can get any vibes off of this?"

"I'll have to put the suit on, but I can go to the gift shop and see if there's anything there already for the heist."

Bill nodded. "OK, I'm comin with ya so we can get the suit without the bums getting ya again," said Bill as they headed toward Ralph and Pam's cabin.

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Pam and Jakob had already been heading toward the cabin when one of the men who had tried to kidnap Ralph found them. "Stop right there," said the man, leveling the gun at Pam. "Now Jakob, if you dont want to see this pretty woman hurt, you both will come with me and not fight."

Jakob, more concerned for Pam's life than his own, only nodded and let himself be caught. As they walked, Pam dropped a bracelet she had been wearing on the ground. The man, hearing the bracelet drop, picked it up and pocketed it. Seeing the movement, Pam groaned inwardly, knowing Ralph would have to find another way to find them.

About three levels down, Pam and Jakob were thrown into an unused closet and the door slammed shut. "Well, guess we have to get comfortable," said Pam.

"Yes, at least until we can find a way to escape," said Jakob as he looked around the room. Finding nothing at the moment, he and Pam sat down and tried to figure out a way to get out of the room.

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Ralph and Bill arrived in the cabin. "Pam, Jakob," asked Ralph, but there was no answer.

"Musta decided to scope out the store where they're keeping the diamonds," said Bill as Ralph changed into the suit.

"Maybe. I could've sworn Pam said they were coming here," said Ralph, putting on the cape.

"Well, see if ya can get vibes offa something," said Bill as Ralph picked up Pam's purple underwear. "Kid what are you doin with - ?"

"Quiet," said Ralph as a holograph phased into view. "I've got them. They're in a closet of some kind, and someone's outside guarding it. They're all right though."

"Terrific," groaned Bill. "So, now what?"

"I say we get them first then bust the bad guys," said Ralph. "We only have an hour before they try to steal the jewels."

"Yeah," said Bill as the two started to head out.

"Wait a minute," said Ralph as he covered up the suit, and then the two went on a search for the closet.

They turned the corner when they saw two men come up and stop them. One did a double take at the sight of Ralph. "How?" he said wondering about Jakob's eyes. He shook his head, dismissing the difference. "Nevermind. You're both coming with us," said Paul, pointing a gun at Ralph.

Bill and Ralph, realizing the men were taking them to the closet, only nodded and went with the men.

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"Pam, I think all you're going to do is get us into trouble again," said Jakob as Pam tried to pry apart the porthole. They had tried pretending to be sick, but Harold, the man outside, caught on and stopped Jakob, who received a black eye in the process.

"Jakob, I think I could squeeze through this and call for help," she said. Before she could lift the window, the door lock clicked and the door opened, with Ralph and Bill entering. Jakob was covered by the door, so Paul didn't notice there were apparent twins.

"Ralph?" said Pam, hugging the man.

"We were caught and brought here. One was surprised to see I had escaped. I thought they wanted you dead Jakob?"

"They did at first, but since I've escaped death twice now, I believe they'll try to pin the theft on us so I cannot escape."

Looking at the man, Ralph thought quietly. "So they don't know about the two of us?" he asked.

"No, not that I know of," said Jakob. "Why?"

"I have an idea, but can you talk for a minute," said Ralph and though curious, Jakob agreed. As the doppleganger talked, Ralph put a hand to his voice box and closed his eyes as he listened to the man's soft Irish brogue.

Opening his eyes, Ralph spoke. "Well, here goes nothing," he said, smiling when he heard the exact same brogue.

Bill and Pam were stunned. "How did ya..." started Bill.

"Don't know, but I had an idea using the you know what," said Ralph, and Bill nodded.

Ralph banged on the door. "Open up, I can help you get the Crimson Rose, just let these people go," said Ralph with Jakob's accent.

Harold opened the door. 'Come on Jakob I..." he stopped as he stared at apparent twins.

The man was shocked enough that he froze, allowing Bill to take the gun. "Now, that wasn't so difficult was it," said Bill with a smirk. "You're going to let us tie ya up like a nice little creep and let us out won't 'cha?"

The gunman could only nod, still stunned, and Ralph and Bill helped tie and gag the man. After the four got out and closed the door, Bill looked at Ralph, who held his stomach slightly, feeling a little seasick. Bill spoke up. "OK, here's what we gotta do..."

"Ralph needs to go to the gift shop and get the men trying to get inside the vault," said Pam. "You, Jakob and I can go get the ship police."

"Counselor, that'd work fine if Ralph here wasn't still..."

"She's right Bill," said Ralph, not thinking about Jakob not knowing about the suit. "I'm feeling better anyway since the stuff kicked in. Now, I think we'd better get going, since they're supposed to start the robbery shortly."

"Good luck, hun," said Pam, giving Ralph a kiss. Then, the group parted, but Jakob decided to follow Ralph, as he was worried that the men he was after would this time kill Ralph.

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Bill and Pam had just about reach the brig when they noticed Jakob was missing. "What does he think hes doin'" said Bill as he handed over the man. "Ralph can take care of those bums."

"Oh no, he doesn't know about the suit," whispered Pam.

Realization hit Bill. "Great, and if Jakob sees what all Ralph can do in the jammies, it can cause more problems and with the good guys. So... " he said.

Seeing Pam head toward the shop, Bill sighed. "Why do ya Hinkleys haveta jump into action without thinking all the time?" he said as a couple of officers came over. "C'mon you guys, let's follow her."

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Though to most guests the gift shop was closed and black, there was a slight noise coming from the ventilation shaft.

Freeing the last of the screws, Paul and Shawn removed the frame and got out of the vents. "All right, you know what we need to do," said Paul, hearing the alarm button ticking an alert.

Shawn nodded and within moments, disabled the alarm. Smiling, the two headed toward the glass display case displaying the Crimson Rose. In just a moment, they'd have what they wanted...

"I wouldnt do that if I were you," said an ethereal voice.

The two men jumped, wondering if it was the voice of God, but instead were surprised to see Jakob appear out of thin air wearing a set of longjohns and a cape.

"What the hell do you think you're doing," said Shawn as he tried to hit Ralph in the jaw. The punch connected, but Ralph didn't stagger and the man clenched his hand in pain. The punch had broken the man's firing hand, rendering him useless.

Paul drew his gun at Ralph. "Look, I dont know how you were able to stop that weakness of your's Jakob but this'll..."

"Stop right there Paul," said a voice to his left. Turning, Paul was shocked to see well Jakob behind him. As the workers knew his true identity, he had been allowed into the shop just before it closed. Shocked, Paul turned his gun and fired at Jakob.

Ralph ran in front of Jakob and took the bullet, falling to the ground. Paul tried to fire again, but the gun jammed, letting Jakob take the weapon and place him under arrest.

After handcuffing the men, Jakob turned around to tend to Ralph, who he thought would need medical attention. To his surprise, Ralph was standing up and had a man by the scruff of his neck. Jakob's eyes widened when he saw Shawn's feet were completely off the ground. "He was trying to escape," said Ralph sheepishly.

"Uh you're stronger than you look," said Jakob, giving him a questioning look.

"Oh this, well..." started Ralph as he saw Pam and Bill heading down the hallway with the ship police. Ralph handed Jakob the injured man to handcuff him and then closed his eyes, turning invisible. The ship patrol opened the door and were surprised to see Jakob standing there with two men. "Here you go officers, two jewel thieves ready for you," said Jakob with a smirk.

Two of the officers took the men and headed toward the brig, with Bill saying he'd be there shortly. After getting a statement from Jakob, the third officer left, leaving Pam, Bill and Jakob standing there. "Where's Ralph?" said Jakob.

"He uh..." said Bill just as Ralph popped back visible. "Geesh, Ralph, wouldja warn me about that? Now I gotta confiscate the video."

Jakob shook his head. "I think you'd better tell me how you did that," said the man with a smile.

Bill looked at Ralph, pleading with him to tell a white lie-say the guy was dreaming-knock him out anything. Ralph smiled, only making Bill more worried.

"Well, all I can say is, this is something very special and very secret. If I told you, I think Agent Maxwell here will kill me," he said. "It's like this case. I don't want to know why you look like me or why I was kidnapped."

Bill smiled. "Yeah, good idea. So, Jakob and I have to go tell the ship patrol what to do with those jewel creeps. What are you going at do?"

"Well, first, I'm going to go take another seasickness pill, then I think well be ready for dinner by the time you get back from your interrogation," said Ralph, giving Pam a sly wink.

Bill caught the look and rolled his eyes. "All right, you two go have your fun," he said.

"Just remember Bill it's a Halloween theme," said Ralph as the other two left the room.

"So, what did you mean by being ready for dinner soon," said Pam coyly. "Got your appetite back?"

"Yes, but I'd rather start with dessert first," said Ralph with a grin.

"Me too," she said, giving him a kiss.

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"I am NOT going to eat that!"

"But it doesn't have tomatoes in it," said Ralph.

"But it looks like it has maggots in it."

"It does," said Pam, giving a slight smirk when she saw Bill turn green. She and Ralph then laughed at how the tables had turned. Ralph was feeling better and could go outside near the ocean without being sick. "Bill, it's just a risotto with long grain rice," said Pam smiling.

"Sure looks real..."

"Probably because it's supposed to be a Halloween theme which you failed dressing for again," said Ralph as he noticed Bill was again wearing a three-piece suit, with only a lei accenting the wardrobe - which he was wearing only because he had to be in costume in order to eat the dinner.

Pam shook her head as she smoothed down her sorceress dress. "I knew I should've packed that pirate outfit for Bill when we knew he was coming," said Pam, and both she and Ralph laughed when Bill rolled his eyes.

"At least the parrot had the right idea with that outfit - be embarrassed by it," said Bill as he continued loading up his plate with a few other items from the buffet table.

As they sat down, Jakob came by, dressed in a pirate. He noticed that Ralph was wearing the same superhero suit that he wore at the foiled heist, and decided that he was seeing things as far as Ralph picking up the man from the ground. Now, about the bullet, he still wasn't sure, but decided that Paul had missed both of them as he shot while turning.

Jakob cleared his throat. "I wanted to say thank you for helping with capturing the jewel thieves," he said softly. "If they had been successful, we'd have more problems on our hands in Ireland."

"Yes, I heard they were bombing several areas lately in Northern Ireland," said Pam. "I understand that they'd used the diamonds to fund the attacks, but what about the ruby?"

"Well they were in the stages of creating a laser cannon," said Jakob. "Fortunately, we were able to dismantle one, but we heard reports of a second one. This thwarted theft will keep the ruby out of their hands."

"I heard from the captain that this was the biggest arrest they've had here ever, so it'll give him a promotion and maybe I'll get one too," said Bill.

"Yeah, you and those little gold stars," said Ralph, rolling his eyes.

"All right, if it weren't for you guys as well," said Bill. "Anyway, why don't ya tell us more about ..."

"I'm sorry, but I have to leave now. I must finish up my paperwork before I debark tomorrow at our stop in Hawaii. I have another case to cover there. Thank you for your help," said Jakob as he shook their hands.

"Glad to be of help," said Ralph as they all watched Jakob leave.

Bill shook his head as he took a bite of the risotto. "Blech, I hate this stuff more than tomatoes. Maggots would be better... or burgers. I'm going to go search for some," he said getting up.

Ralph turned and saw a wistful look in Pam's eyes. "Now Pamela, he's not your type..."

"I don't know, he looks just like you, but..." she said. Seeing Ralph frown, she gave him a kiss. "I'm kidding hun, you're much cuter outside and inside."

Ralph smiled and returned the kiss. "Yeah, after all, why have a copy cat when you can have the real deal?"


End file.
